Neutering the Fat Cats
The egregious claim of the Chairmen and Chief Executives is that the loss of monopoly status results in radical restructuring of their firms to counter 'competition'. In the case of British Gas, this meant dismissing 25,000 staff from a total workforce of 90,000. In order to finance the huge redundancy payments, the cost of maintenance and service contracts had to rise; while the number of retail outlets, where 'customers' could discuss their payment terms or possibly even view a 'product', was drastically reduced.
The unloved Cedric Brown Esq., and his equally unloved American Chairman Mr. Richard Giordano, were meanwhile invited to appear before a Commons Select Committee to explain the embarrassing discrepency between enormous pay rises for the 'executives' and reductions or freezes for the 'poor bloody infantry'. Brown, unkindly depicted by a certain tabloid not as a fat cat but a huge snuffling porker, seemed reticent and awkward; while Giordano affected a certain oily Yank charm. 'We have to pay dear Cedric ú450,000 a year', was the message, 'otherwise the giants of world commerce would poach him.'
Oh, yeah, right! It takes a genius to work out that by sacking a third of your workers, selling off swathes of real estate and raising prices, you might increase the company's profits! Congratulations, Cedric. And yet the 'punters' and individual shareholders, meeting in the bizarre venue of the Docklands Arena for their annual meeting, didn't seem to get it. They voted to sack poor Cedric and voiced grave disquiet over the running of the company: complaints were soaring and the customer was getting a raw deal. Again the board looked sheepish, rather than feline, but never mind...it was soon over and the votes of the 5,000 'little people' had been instantly quashed by the corporate shareholders and pension funds, who were quite happy devouring the generous dividends.
The Water Companies, scattering 'share options' like confetti over their hard-pressed directors, are able to boast an additional boost to profitability. Deals struck at the time of privatisation mean that they pay a fraction of the Corporation Tax that would normally be due. It is claimed that almost ú2 billion would have been collected if they had been charged at the rate of other businesses. Again the same well-rehearsed lines emerge from the public relations departments to explain the whopping great chunks of company property dropped into the laps of 'the management'. "We'd lose them to companies abroad...hard decisions to be made...the captain must stay at the helm...etc...etc."
Frankly, no matter how misguided, any boss wishing to poach a senior executive from a company that manages to lose a quarter of its sole product every day should be sent on extended leave to 'spend more time with his family'; or, alternatively, to seek psychiatric help.
I couldn't give a stuff if the Chairman of Sainsbury awards himself millions of pounds worth of bonuses and perks - the company started out as a small grocery store and has become a multi-national conglomerate against the full blast of 'market forces' and genuine competition. I do object to a national resource like the National Grid that was built and run for years at the expense of the taxpayer suddenly, on being privatised, doling out wads of cash to these plump middle-achievers whose only acumen is to be in the right place at the right time.
Where is the so-called 'competition'? If I do not wish to purchase British Gas, can I buy Irish Gas (there must be plenty) or German Gas (extra powerful)? How? Where? The answer is: I can't! And Cedric must be snorting with delight.
Whatever the verdict in the infamous Simpson case, there was going to be furore and dissent. There were so many factions, pressure groups and, worst of all, lawyers involved that a satisfactory outcome was impossible.
In a way, it is a shame that a draw (or 'tie' in American) was out of the question. Had this been an option, both sides could have walked away believing they had, if not won, then at least not lost. As it is, OJ has walked...probably straight to his agent's office. And the families of Brown and Goodman are left to cope with both the loss of loved ones and the belief that their murderer got away with it.
Even the legal 'Dream Team', assembled at mind-boggling cost by the fallen idol, conveys the impression that a 'fast one' has been pulled. Lawyer Robert Shapiro has publicly lambasted the tub-thumping Johnnie Cochran for unashamedly playing the 'race card' and has vowed that they will never work together again.
Sections of the media have made much of Cochran's veiled threats to the jury that a guilty verdict would result in civil unrest; and that the jurors would face a hard time on returning to their neighbourhoods. Some would lead us to believe that the paltry three and a half hours for which the jury retired was spent feet up with a cup of tea, discussing the local celebrity and free lunches that could accompany an acquittal.
Whatever the truth behind what seemed a surprising decision, the Juice is loose. But he may still be bled dry!
Following an ignoble tradition that has seen the club lose in Cup competition to the likes of Scarborough, Barnsley, Cardiff and Bristol City, the team contrived somehow to lose at home to that footballing giant Stoke City; and failed to score in 120 minutes of play. For Gullit, the one beacon of light in an otherwise dismal scene, it is the inevitable Ruud awakening.
Back to the training ground, lads!
Nominations for æ***t of the WeekÆ to: WASP@londonmall.co.uk
In our search for the vanished stars of yesteryear, and continuing our footer theme, we pose this crucial question:
Whatever happened to youthful prodigy Norman Whiteside?
Last week's most plausible suggestion, relating to the disappearance of the Beastie Boys: "...working in a car showroom in Des Moines".
Suggestions to: WASP@londonmall.co.uk
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